I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
