i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
