Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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