Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
