I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Come share oat with me in your robe
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
