Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
