I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
