you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
