she told me i tasted like america
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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