i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
