i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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