my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
