Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
