Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
