Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
