We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
