Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
