'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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