God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
