I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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