so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
