It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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