Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize