I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I wear drunk well.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
