if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
