I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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