Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
