I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
