im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
