My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
