Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
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