Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
