Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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