you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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