forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
