? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
