I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
