Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
