Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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