Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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