he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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