is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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