lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'm really busy with my period
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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