i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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