Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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