That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
