and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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