I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize