Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
