I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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