Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
