you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
