I just threw up on my dentist
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
