im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
