I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
