oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
