i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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