I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
