suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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