We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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