I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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