haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
