You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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