she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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