Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
