Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
