Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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