dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
