$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
