so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
