What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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