Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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