My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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