time to smoke my breakfast
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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