She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
