Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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