I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
