Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
