so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
