Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
