I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Tornado booty call.. dedication
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
