Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
