i'm lost and i look like a hooker
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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