first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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