you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
