whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
