On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
