Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
