I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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