I can text with my tongue
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
